Friday, January 15, 2010

Attention: New York Rangers

Att: New York Rangers

This is a net:




In case you didn't notice, there's this magic thing called a puck in it. After tonight's humiliation to Mike Brodeur (really), the Rangers have been shutout two straight and haven't scored over the last 144:23. The last goal came off the stick of waiver pickup Erik Christensen in Boston 37 seconds into the third of a 3-1 win.

You know. Wins cannot happen without goals. In case you've been stuck in a cave, our team can't score to save its life. They probably would've aimed and misfired at the two Jersey Shore bimbos sitting front and center with plenty of cleavage. One kept bending over giving us some entertainment. If only there was a pole.  Too bad they were so into themselves. How to correlate to hockey. They were dressed nicely wearing our colors. Unfortunately, neither suited up to distract Alexei Kovalev from setting up Chris Campoli's gimme with 1:14 left. Yes. 74 stinkin' seconds! Well, it did prevent another gimmick. I was already on the way down when my boy Kovy outworked our entire five before slipping a perfect backdoor pass to which I sarcastically remarked:

"See ya later."
Even an early timeout by Tort Reform couldn't awaken the gang that can't shoot straight. Apparently, they gave all they had the other night. But hey. At least we had the usual Garden Of Dreams moment along with nauseating Dolan employees trying to encourage fans in sections to raise the roof to a game that was like watching paint dry. Hell yeah!!!!! DANCE! Everybody up like Larry. Get jacked even if we were mugged! Everything's eh okay at Camp Cablevision! Oh btw...sidenote. The Allman Brothers have been playing the Beacon Theatre for 30 years. But not in 2010! Apparently, this decade will be empty due to the biggest jackass to ever walk the Earth Jazzy Jim.

At least we had some entertainment from a classic skateboarder outside. He cleared three people on the sidewalk between W.28th and W.29th right next to the bar. Best aspect. No cost. Plus plenty of laughs.

Tonight, the worst ever slogan to hit 33rd and 7th applies:

HOCKEY'S DIFFERENT HERE

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